Some of our most vulnerable conversations happen in bed. The nights when we can’t sleep or we need to share before we sleep. The conversations we want to have but don’t want to be sat opposite each other to have. In all honesty, these can go either way. Here are some tips to help with our pillow talk…
Context is everything.
For some people, as soon as they get into bed, they fall asleep. It’s the place to relax and unwind; so starting an intimate conversation might not be the best timing for them. Make sure the timing, environment and mood of the conversation is right. You could pre-empt the conversation with your partner, posture yourselves in a disarming way (this is why lying down in bed is great; it takes you out of the posture for defence). Pillow talk can be productive and healing if it’s in the right context.
Confidence and clarity.
Having a goal or outcome for the conversation will allow you to be clear and confident in your communication. The goal could be to start a conversation on a usually avoided subject or to try to bring closure on some pain points. Clarity in the form of mutual understanding will help it to be a smoother conversation. Check in during the conversation to confirm you’re having the same discussion as each other; often communication can go wrong because we’re no longer talking about the same thing.
Kindness and courage.
Always approach the conversation with kindness towards each other. If we arrive ready for battle, we’re going to hurt each other. Have the courage to express your wants, needs and desires whilst speaking from a perspective of love and respect.
Let’s get naked.
Emotionally. In intimate conversations, we get emotionally naked and it can make us feel more exposed than most times in our relationship. Respect the vulnerability that each of you are sharing in and try to navigate the conversation without shame.
