Babes, let me tell you that when I started dating Ben I was experiencing some let’s say ‘aversions’ to his clothes and some of the things he said. He knows this.
The blessing for me was that back in ’06 we didn’t have language to attach to our ‘icks’. Some of the things I wasn’t the biggest fan of (mostly v. superficial things from me) changed over time either as I got more comfortable with him or those quirks; I realised were actually just part of who he was.
When I think about meeting Ben now and knowing what I know about getting the ick-I couldn’t be sure we would have survived; not because of Ben but because of the culture. The truth is that getting the ick is just another layer in our ‘cancel culture’.
Listen, I understand that people are weird, that some things people say are a complete turn off or there are people that just aren’t going to work for you. I’m not talking about not having standards or traits you’d like to find in a partner. What I am saying is: do we need to give people more of a chance?
I wonder if we’ve made getting the ick such a normal part of dating and relationships that it’s making it impossible to meet and give people a chance that don’t immediately meet our expectations. Could the ick be the barrier to really getting to know someone?
In the early stages of dating and even into decades of married life, there are lots of things that can trigger the feeling of ick. How can we balance our feelings of uncomfortability with our willingness to experience growth and change together? On reflection of my own relationship, we’ve experienced lots of times where we could have allowed ‘an ick’ to become something that was a barrier to us growing through something together (and sometimes did!).
The truth for me is that when I’m getting the ick, it’s usually for a completely different reason than the ‘ick’ I’m giving the attention to. All that to say; it’s okay to have an opinion on what you will and will not accept in a relationship. It’s okay to not date a certain type of person with a certain item of clothing if that’s a deal breaker to you (FYI, it was almost a deal breaker for me so no shade). But sometimes the things we think are mountains initially are just mole hills and we might need a different perspective.
What do you think?
