Beth is from Wigan, UK and Afshin is from Tehran, Iran. They met and fell in love in Wigan and now have a beautiful life together in Edinburgh, Scotland.

How did you meet?

We met when working at the same coffee shop. I was the barista and he was in the kitchen. I’d make him coffees and we’d get to know each other in downtimes. 

We also attended the same church and so eventually got to know each other more that way and then he asked me out! 

What drew you to each other?

He was intriguing to me. I wanted to know more about him (and I thought he was cute). He was hardworking and I loved that. In the beginning he was quiet, but I knew there was more to him. 

He says he fancied me and my smile attracted him to know more in the beginning. He said I looked ‘kind and interesting’. After we got to know each other properly, I think we both had lots of respect for one another and enjoyed each other’s company.

When you’re first getting to know someone, of course, we bring our best selves and the edited version a lot of the time. How did you get past that front to really getting to know the real person?

Our first date was veryhonest. Afshin came really open about his background and his story. We shared some really personal stuff and every guard came down. Looking back now, it was probably an intense way to start dating, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We deeply trusted one another from the off and then we felt safe and comfortable with each other to just have lots of fun and be ourselves. 

What kept you together?

Shared values, beliefs, mutual respect, similar worldviews and outlook on life. We were both really honest in the early stages and that was a great foundation. 

You said that you were both really honest in the early stages, so how did you find that? Both from a sharing perspective and a hearing perspective.

It was great, albeit probably full on and a little intense as I mentioned earlier. But it was really refreshing. 

After that first date, I knew so much about Afshin and I felt that I really understood him. I think he appreciated that and it only encouraged more honesty and open communication. 

Obviously we want to show off the best bits of ourselves, but it was surprising and quite lovely to put the uglier and more difficult bits of us out there too, it broke down any barriers or questions we both had. 

What is something that makes your relationship easy?

Communication is something that we have worked really hard on, and that makes the hard times easier. If you can learn how and when the other likes to communicate, it helps when conflict arises. 

We genuinely love spending time together and try to do fun things that make good memories. Loving being with someone definitely makes a relationship easy. We work hard and play hard. We try to be spontaneous and adventurous as much as possible. 

 What is something that makes your relationship hard?

Coming from different cultures, countries and speaking different languages has been the biggest test. We’ve really had to be patient with one another, try and understand one another and their culture/background and as I mentioned before, communication has been key. Although it’s been the hardest thing, I think it’s the thing that makes our relationship so rich too.  

As you navigate that difference in cultures as a part of your relationship and as you say, it brings richness to it; what are some of the ways you see that outworking in your lives?

So many ways — our worldviews have been broadened, challenged and enriched. 

We’ve tried to embrace the best of each of our cultures and ditched the not so great parts. I’ve been schooled on Persian culture, literature, language, hospitality and food — it’s amazing. It’s so rich and I’ve learned so much. 

Practically, we intentionally celebrate and acknowledge traditions, holidays and anniversaries. I especially try and make a big fuss of important dates and put effort into making them feel as authentic and as much like home as possible for Afshin, as he lives so far away. They’re things we hope to continue for all our years to come. 

What are your hopes for your relationship?

That we continually grow in our love and learn from our mistakes. 

Our journey and lives together have been a massive whirlwind adventure and even though it’s been very tough at times, it’s meant we’ve experienced a lot in our short(ish) time together. 

I hope that we continue to have fun, adventure, nurture hospitality and generosity and grow our community. 

I would hope that we would get to the end of our lives and have left a positive impact on the world and our world — to leave it better than we arrived.

That’s beautiful. Is there any advice or pearls of wisdom that you’d want to share with our TMP community?

I’d love to! Here’s 3 simple things I’d tell myself at the beginning of my relationship:

– Don’t compare your relationship with anyone else’s — we’ve all done it and we usually end up feeling jealous, resentful or unfulfilled with our own relationship. All relationships take work and experience highs and lows – regardless of whether you see it or not. Remember, Instagram is great but it’s a highlight reel. 

– Be honest with your friends — getting real about what’s going on and how you’re feeling is liberating. It gives the opportunity for your friends to support you through different seasons of your relationship. It also helps others know that they’re not the only one experiencing hard times (we always wonder if it’s just us, right?). It usually encourages them to open up too. 

– Have fun! Dating and the beginning of a relationship should be fun and exciting. Too often (especially within the church) we stress, overthink, get major icks for small issues, or get too serious too soon. Simple advice my friend gave me — just have fun and have a laugh. That counts whether you’re newly dating, or have been married for 30 years. Laughter is the best medicine!